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April 16, 2014- 2:00pm
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Great Truths

TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT LITTLE CHILDREN
HAVE LEARNED:


1) No matter how hard you try, you can't
baptize cats.

2) When your Mom is mad at your Dad, don't
let her brush your hair.

3) If your sister hits you, don't hit her back.
They always catch the second person.

4) Never ask your 3 year old brother to hold
a tomato.

5) You can't trust dogs to watch your food.

6) Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your
hair.

7) Never hold a Dust-Buster and a cat at the
same time.

8) You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a
glass of milk.

9) Don't wear polka-dot underwear under white
shorts.

10) The best place to be when you're sad is
Grandpa's lap.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT LIFE, THAT ADULTS HAVE
LEARNED:

1) Raising teenagers is like nailing Jell-O
to a tree.

2) Wrinkles don't hurt.

3) Families are like fudge . . . mostly sweet,
with a few nuts.

4) Today's mighty oak is just yesterday's nut
that held its ground.

5) Laughing is good exercise. It's like jogging
on the inside.

6) Middle age is when you choose your cereal
for the fiber, not the toy.

GREAT TRUTHS ABOUT GROWING OLD:

1) Growing old is mandatory; growing up is
optional.

2) Forget the health food. I need all the
preservatives I can get.

3) When you fall down, you wonder what else
you can do while you're down there.

4) You're getting old when you get the same
sensation from a rocking chair that you once
got from a roller coaster.

5) It's frustrating when you know all the
answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the
questions.

6) Time may be a great healer, but it's a
lousy beautician.

7) Wisdom comes with age, but sometimes age
comes alone.



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