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April 16, 2014- 2:00pm
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34 Things You Will Never Hear A Redneck Say

1. "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"

2. "Duct tape won't fix that."

3. "Elvis who?"

4. "We don't keep firearms in this house."

5. "You can't feed that to the dog."

6. "I thought Graceland was tacky."

7. "No kids in the back of the pickup...
it's not safe."

8. "Professional wrasslin's fake."

9. "Honey, did you mail that donation to
Greenpeace?"

10. "We're vegetarians."

11. "Do you think my hair is too big?"

12. "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits
and gravy."

13. "Honey, these bonsai trees need watering."

14. "I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR."

15. "Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

16. "Deer heads detract from the decor."

17. "Spitting is such a nasty habit."

18. "I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart
today."

19. "Trim the fat off that steak."

20. "Cappuccino tastes better than espresso."

21. "The tires on that truck are too big."

22. "I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad."

23. "I've got it all on a floppy disk."

24. "Unsweetened tea tastes better."

25. "Would you like your fish poached or
broiled?"

26. "My fiance is registered at Tiffany's."

27. "Checkmate."

28. "She's too old to be wearing that bikini."

29. "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"

30. "Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that
we haven't seen."

31. "I don't have a favorite college football
team."

32. "Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the
side."

33. "I believe you cooked those green beans too
long."

34. "Those shorts ought to be a little longer,
Darla."



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