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April 23, 2014- 5:39pm
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Biblical Information As Told By Children


Children were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the Bible were written by children.

They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in.)


1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got
tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath
off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree.
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built
an ark, which the animals come on to in pears.

3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a
ball of fire by night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout
history they had trouble with the unsympathetic
Gentilels.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be
led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe
of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where
they made unleavened bread which is bread
without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the
dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount
Cyanide to get the ten amendments.

9. The first commandment was when Eve told
adam to eat the apple.

10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt
not admit adultery.

11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada.
Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of
Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when
Joshua told his son to stand still and he
obeyed him.

13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing
the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a
race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300
wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard that she was the mother
of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the east
side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an
immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on
his head.

19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which
says to do one to others before they do one
to you. He also explained, "a man doth not
live by sweat alone."

20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from
the dead and managed to get the tombstone
off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the lord were
called the 12 decibels.

22. The epistles were the wives of the
apostles.

23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew
who was also a taximan.

24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He
preached holy acrimony, which is another
name for marriage.

25. Christians have only one spouse. This
is called monotony.



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